Friday, January 25, 2008


In an effort to distract myself from today's mopey mood I went to read 2ps.

I came across a thread stating that a fellow pea, a pea from Utah none the less had passed away from a brain bleed. She was so young, and her boys are so young I feel so bad for this poor family. I didn't even know her but I am sad for her loss and my prayers are with her family and her two little boys.

I was reading her blog and came across this list of questions and thought maybe it would be distracting to answer them myself.

1. Who is the last person you held hands with?
DH and youngest DS at the same time. I was sitting on my bed crying and feeling sad about Lucey's birthday and DH came in to snuggle with me, followed a couple minutes later by ds.

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I don't think so, I am not a strong person, either physically or emotionally, I think if I wasn't killed outright I would be destroyed by the emotional aspect of seeing people killed and all the other devestations of war.

3. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Sometimes. There are times when the silence is consuming and I feel like I am going to be swallowed by it, turning the TV on and turning the volume low makes me feel like I am not floating alone through space

4. Have you ever drunk milk straight out of the carton?
No, I avoid milk whenever possible, I think it's nasty

5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
no, but I went to the top 3 in 5th grade. Maybe if I had actually studied the words....

I used to be a very good speller, it is vanishing with age.

6. Do you like somebody right now?

Yep, lots of people. Thankfully I like many more people than I dislike.

7. Are you a fast typist?
Faster than I ever thought I could be when taking type class in Jr. High.

10. Who can you always turn to?
My DH. Sometimes I forget what a great guy he is. I can take any problem to him, no matter how great or embarrassing and know without a doubt that he will never be judgemental and tell me how stupid I am.

11. When was the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
So long ago I can't remember. I hate baths. I hate to be hot, and the thought of laying in a puddle of my own grime is just gross to me.

12. Do you knock on wood?
Occasionally and it always reminds me of my friend Ron. When he died his best friend spoke at his funeral. There were so many people at the funeral that they held it in the auditorium of the high school. The pulpit was up on the stage and the casket down on the floor. His Friend left the stage, walked up to the casket, stood there for a second then to the shock of all loudly rapped on the lid of the casket. We were all dumbfounded. Thought he must have snapped under the weight of his grief. After a long moment, he reached out and once again rapped loudly on the lid of the casket. There was an audible gasp from the mourners filling the auditorium and murmurs rippled about as he turned and sadly walked back to the pulpit and began to speak. He said that we would all, always remember Ron and the incredible man that he was, but he was giving us a gift, because from this day forward every time we uttered, or heard the term "Knock on wood" we would remember our dear friend. My friends name was Ron Wood, and he was right, I never hear that phrase without thinking of, and missing my wonderful friend.

13. Are you drinking anything right now?
Ice water. Having recently spent a weekend in a very hot, dry, canyon I am sure I am dehydrated, and having recently come through a kidney stone, I am all about being hydrated LOL

14. Do you think you’re attractive?
No, I think I am disgusting. I think under all these layers of fat there might be an attractive girl buried here somewhere. I have been told by two different people lately that I am so pretty. It was very flattering, I wish I believed them LOL

17. What do you want for Christmas?

Fuji Finepix S9100! It would be my dream come true!

18. Do you know the muffin man?

Yes, but I lost his phone number.

19. Do you talk in your sleep?
Only when I am really stressed.

20. Who wrote the book of love?

21. Have you ever flown a kite?
Yes, that is the only good part about living on this windy side of the mountain. You don't even have to run, just walk about 20 feet from the person holding the string and just chuck it up in the air and off it goes. The boys and I fly kites frequently.

22. When was the last time that you went swimming and where?
Just a couple of days ago at the local Rec. Center.

24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell?
Tons! All my family, friends, co-workers and church people

25. Have you ever asked for a horse?
No. My sister did for years and she never got one so I figured it was pointless for me to ask. Not that I ever really wanted one LOL

26. Plans for tomorrow?
I need to get the house put back together. Between packing, then coming home and dumping everything in the living room after our camping trip, our house is very messy.

27. What’s your middle name?

I don't have one and that has always annoyed me. My parents figured girls don't need middle names because when they get married their maiden name is their middle name. I have always hated that I didn't have a middle name.

28. Missing someone right now?
Lucey, my daughter, with every cell of my being.

29. When was the last time you told someone you love them?
Just a couple of minutes ago when DH called from the grocery store to see if I needed anything. I love that after 13 years of marriage, he never hangs up the phone without saying "I love you" first.

30. What was the last sport you played?
Sports??? Ummmmmm let me think, well I would say.... well.... ummmmmm

31. How are you feeling today?
Sad, but blessed.

I have a great Dh who has been so sweet to me today, and a very good friend who seems to have a sixth sense when I need a kind word and always emails or calls at just the right moment, even if it has been a month or so since we have spoken. I am very grateful for her and just wanna say "Love you girl!"

32. What did you do today?
Not a dang thing. I thought about going out to weed Lucey's garden but just couldn't stand the idea of being hot and bawling with my nose running. So I played on the computer, read 2ps, read my book for a while, had diner with DH and the boys and pretty much just moped around the house. It is 7:27 and I am still in my jammies, I never even got dressed today.

33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No, I was always too afraid of disappointing my parents to do anything daring or naughty.

34. What are you looking forward to?
Not really anything right now. My big thing that I look forward to all year is over with (The quilt shop hop) and my friend has canceled her visit from Chicago, so there is really not much to look forward to right now.

Maybe the boys going back to school and the return of peaceful quiet days. But I know that is a mixed blessing because it is followed by an escalation of Parker's issues and his emotional outbursts. I am NOT looking forward to that.

35. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Many many times!

37. Have you ever eaten dog food?
Ummm no, ewww

38. Can you handle the truth?
Depends. There are some things I just don't want to know.

But then there are also things that I must know and don't want any sugar coating.

39. Do you like green eggs and ham?
No, Dr. Seuss is a whacko. I much prefer Boynton.

40. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places?
I don't know if there are three things I always bring, but I do know that I don't go anywhere without carmex!

41. Any cool scars?

I don't know about cool, but I have some pretty wicked ones and I sure have a lot of them. I have one that goes from hip bone to hip bone that is left from my hysterectomy and tumorectomy.

42. Do you like or have a crush on anyone?
Not right now.

45. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not anymore than I absolutely have to, I hate talking on the phone. I always feel stupid and don't know what to say. And it gives me a headache.

46.Do you talk to yourself?
Far more often than I should. My kids are constantly saying "Mom, who are you talking to?" LOL

47. Is there something you want that you can’t have?
A daughter. The daughter I had is dead, I can't have another, and DH has changed his mind about adopting one. I haven't given up hope though, I hope someday he comes around. We came so close....

I also wouldn't mind some more money. Enough not to have to worry about having enough to pay bills or for activities for the boys.

48. Three things about the opposite gender that you first notice?
Eyes, hands, voice

49. Who are you thinking about right now?
Given the day, I would have to say Lucey

50. Who did you last hug?
DH, he was just here about two minutes ago checking to see how I'm doing.

Just before that my DS Preston, he's having a rough day too.

52. Where is your cell phone?
Right here on the desk in front of me, my cousin Kim just called to see how I'm doing. Have I mentioned how blessed I am to have people who care about me?

53. What was the last thing you ate?
A yummy diner made by my amazing DH. Grilled chicken, angel hair pasta and garlic bread.

54. Favorite Color?

55. Last movie in theaters you watched?
Ratatouille with DH, MIL and the boys. MIL's treat, what a fun surprise.

56. What song do you currently hear?
Rachmaninoff Concerto No. 2 in C Minor

57. What do you want?
Time with my boys, less little boy arguing, a quilting machine, the people I love to live forever

59. What TV show are you watching?
Nothing right now. Can't wait for the new season of Grey's anatomy to start.

60. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My cousin Kim, who has also lost a daughter and is very sympathetic to how I am feeling today.