Sunday, February 3, 2008

Meandering Through My Day

I couldn't focus on anything today. I wanted so badly to be at the hospital with my family rather than sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting and dreading at the same time, if it rings will it be good news, or bad news?

So far they have decided that he might have a perforated bowel, which is bad because then all that gunk is leaking out into his abdomen and can make him really sick. They were going to take him in for surgery and do a colostomy. Not good news.

Later they came in and said that after reviewing his history, they are going to hold off on the surgery and wait it out. They think the perforation may have sealed itself and if so, the antibiotics may help him to get better. If he gets worse they will go ahead and take him in for surgery.

Being the pessimist that I am, I can't help but wonder if their choice to hold off on the surgery is because they think he is doing better, or because they think he wouldn't be strong enough to survive the surgery.

I am just so worried about him. I have wandered around all day in a catatonic state, not really aware of my surroundings. Luckily the boys were really good today, no fighting, no beating each other up. I think they sensed that I was at my stress capacity already.

My dad is in Michigan on business, he is coming home in the morning. He has to leave his hotel at 2 am and drive over an hour to the airport. I worry about him driving at night when he's tired because I am sure he didn't sleep much last night being worried about his dad.

I just can't stop crying. I am so worried for my grandpa. A pea (someone from a message board I frequent) has a husband who went though something similar. Diarrhea, perfed bowel, and he has been in the hospital for FOUR MONTHS and they have almost lost him several times. If someone so young and healthy came so close, how can I have any hope that my frail 83 year old Grandpa can pull through?

Please, please pray for him.

I finally was able to sit down and sew for a bit. I got a couple of my 3" blocks done. I think this is as big as I am going to make my "mini" quilt. I have run out of blocks that look simple enough to be able to pull it off in a 3" size. With some sashing and borders I think it will be ok size wise.

I am not holding out any hope that I can win this contest, I am a beginner after all. But I am proud of myself for accepting the challenge, I was able to do something that I was thought was beyond my capability and am glad I tried.

I called in for work tomorrow. Thankfully I have a great, and very understanding boss and she said to go ahead and do what I need to do. Since B will be home all day, I will be able to go sit at the hospital with my family. I am not sure why, I just feel so much better being there. My mom has a tendency to withhold information and it aggravates me, I am much better off if I know what is going on. Hope you all have a good day tomorrow. And again, please say a prayer for my Grandpa. I would appreciate it.