Sunday, February 3, 2008

Silly Girlhood Fears

When I was a little girl we had this bathroom, it was loooooong and skinny. If I could see it now I probably wouldn't think so, but it seemed like a long hike from the door to the toilet which was a big deal for two reasons.

#1 I would wait until the absolute last possible second to go to the bathroom. I was a busy girl, I had things to do, people to spy on, sisters to irritate, messes to make, I didn't have time to be wasting on such mundane tasks as emptying my bladder (and I still feel pretty much the same way) so by the time I finally decided I really better stop what I was doing and head for the potty, it was pretty much too late. I would be crow hopping through the house with my legs crossed trying to stop the leaking because my bladder was screaming "ENOUGH I can't hold anymore!" and like I said, it was a long hike from the door to the potty.

#2 there was a monster that lived in the toilet, and the release of the trap door was also a release of whatever door held the monster inside and if I didn't hurry, I was going to be a nice sized snack for said monster.

So, I devised a plan. I would get off the pot, put the lid down, walk to the door, open it, then walk back to the toilet. I would stay back as far as I could, in case the monster was particularly quick that day, flush, then RUUUUUUUUUN as fast as I could for the door, then slam the door shut behind me. I would stand there panting at the end of the hallway, staring at the bathroom door with my heart pounding in my chest feeling blessed for my narrow escape from the jaws of the potty monster.

And in all my years of childhood, he never did get me, I am just too dang fast