Sunday, February 3, 2008

I look at life through grey coloted glasses

I am a pessimist. There, I said it.

I am not a pessimist by choice. I would LOVE to look at the world through rose colored glasses and see only the joy, the beauty, and the opportunity.

Instead when I look at the world around me, I see the saddness, they heartache, the fear, and the pain.

I am also a worrier, I come by this genetically, I get it straight from my mother. If I am currently devoid of something to worry about, I will invent something. That doesn't happen often though, I am generally well stocked with things to worry and obsess over. And my mother is always waiting with an armfull of stressful subjects should I run low.

I am in full on worry phase right now. We are struggling financially because B has been off work for the last 5 1/2 weeks due to surgery. Add to that the fact that it's Christmas. Add to that the fact that our landlords let us know yesterday morning that they are putting our house on the market in january. Greedy little buggers, just can't stand the fact that the house has appreciated over $100,000 since we moved in two years ago, they have to sell to get their hands on those gobs of money, never stopping to think for a moment that doing so will throw us out in the street. OK not really, but I'm stressed, give me a little license here LOL

Then I did something monumentally stupid last night, right before bed time. I looked online to see what current rental rates are. In order to keep ourselves in the same size shoebox in which we currently reside, our rent will go up roughly $500 per month.

Yep, you will soon be able to visit us at the homeless shelter, beds #73 and 74.

And I wonder why I sit here mid afternoon with a sleep deprived hangover after laying awake trying to give myself an instant ulcer until after 4:00 am.

Ah Christmas, the season of joy and giving.