October 29,2007

Blessing #1 for today... God really is listening when I pray. I can't tell you how many times I have had that very notion confirmed for me, yet still in my darkest moments, I doubt. "Is He really there? Is anyone on the other end of the line or am I just talking to myself?" Let me tell you, He is there, He is listening, and He is answering.

The back story... I went to bed over two hours ago. For the past two hours I have been laying there trying to shut my brain off so I could go to sleep because I am desperately sleep deprived right now.

Instead of the sleep I crave, I had waves of stress flooding over me. I quickly became overcome with thoughts of where my life is right now, and where I really need for it to be.

I am thinking of the fact that I have six people coming to stay with me at Christmas time and no where to put them.

I am thinking that my home is over run with clutter. How did this happen? It completely snuck up on me out of no where. One day my home was clean and orderly, the next day you can't open my children's bedroom doors for all the mess in there. It is ridiculous and I don't know where to start.

The thing I loved most about this house when we moved in was that there was no clutter. I am a collector of many things. If I discover a love for something, I have to have it. Case in point... water globes. What started as one water globe that I truly loved turned into a large collection of water globes that I sort of like. Why do I do that to myself? And why can't I let them go? I realize that I do not love them, I realize that their clutter weighs me down, yet I can't let go. I don't have it in me. I WANT TO LET GO!

I have to let go, I have to, I have six people coming! Where am I going to put them?

Don't even get me started on the toys. We have millions of toys. My children can't even get into their play room. B and I have decided that since they don't play in the toy room anyway, we want to dismantle it and turn it into an excercise room. We have an air walker, a treadmill, a weight bench. We want to put them in there and have a place to excercise without having to drive to the gym. Great idea right? Except for the fact that the toy room is literally two feet deep with toys, most of which haven't been touched in the two years we have lived in this house.

So I lay in bed tonight stressing about the toys, trying to force myself to get rid of them, asking God in my prayers for strength and then moving on to ask God for blessings for all the people in California suffering due to the fires there, so many people have lost their homes.

Then it hits me like a ray of light, blindingly simple.

I am asking God to bless the people in California who have lost everything and at the same time stressing because we have too much. Problem solved. Box it up, send it to California. I have enough toys to bless a lot of little boys who have lost all of theirs. And enough toys for several little girls as well thanks to my daycare days and needing to have girl toys.

Tomorrow the boys and I will get started. We will box up all those dearly loved but never touched stuffed animals, all the rescue heroes that have never been played with. All the cool toys my children own but never use because they play with nothing but Legos and Matchbox cars.

I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. And maybe we can get a double blessing from this and use it as an entry for Reflections which is rapidly coming due. The theme this year is "I can make a difference by..." I think if they donate their toys they will definately make a difference. Maybe a small one, but one smile on one child's face is a miracle in itself.

Now that I have gotten all of this off my chest I can finally go to sleep which would be today's blessing #2