Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I'm just not feeling it...


(Disclaimer, this is last year's tree)
Christmas is normally my favorite holiday. I start even before Halloween playing Christmas music. While I listen to other people grumble about how early the music is playing in the stores, I dance in the isles. Christmas music is my favorite.

The day after Halloween I start begging B to put the tree up and get out the decorations.

I start planning Christmas gifts and searching out the best prices for the items I want to buy.

I live all year long for Christmas.

But this year, I can't find my Christmas spirit, it is sadly lacking. Maybe it is all the stress in my life, I feel like I am drowning in stress right now and it is sapping away all of my energy.

Preston's health issues...

Trying to start a reading program from scratch at a brand new school with no resources....

Financial worries...

Worries about what is going to happen with our housing in the next few months when our lease expires...

The store losing my lay-away with most of PF's Christmas on it...

My current run of insomnia...

I just feel like I am going to crack under the pressure. I finally got out the Christmas decorations today, almost a full month late, and it was all I could do to make myself put a few things on the tree, but it looks awful and I want to rip it all off and sadly, I don't want to start over, I just want to put it all away and forget that Christmas is a few weeks away. I just want to bury my head in the sand until all of this goes away.

I'm not feeling the Christmas Spirit, all I feel is fear and anxiety.

If you are the praying sort, please keep PF in your prayers as he heads back to the doctor on Fiday. We found two lumps in his neck three weeks ago, and it isn't going away with medication. Most of the time I am content and sure that this will be no big deal, but then there are those quiet moments, when there is nothing to distract me, and my mind runs away with all the things this could be and I fear for my little boy's future. Probably because HIS mind keeps running away with him and he has convinced himself he's dying and talks about it all the time.

Also, prayers are appreciated for B's cousin America who is nearing the finish line in her battle with cancer. Our thoughts and Prayers go out to Glen, America, and the girls.

2 comments:

Abbigail said...

Christmas is my favorite holiday so I thought I would start decorating early this year.

Becky K said...

I'm sorry you aren't feeling it this year. I'm feeling it a little, but a lot less than I usually do. I didn't realize stuff was going on with p - keep me posted! Let me know if I can do anything for you.

Do you want to come tonight to the Christmas dinner?