Saturday, January 23, 2010

I've been avoiding you...

I'm sorry, I know it's terrible, but it's true.

The truth is, with my recent health issues, I have come quite depressed. I don't want my blog to be whiney and mopey, so I have been avoiding it. I don't want to write poor pitiful me posts, but I guess that's just where I am right now.

I don't feel good, I haven't for quite some time now, I am tired of it. I am just plain tired, all the time. Working for 4.5 hours per day totally wipes me out, I come home so tired I can barely function. I am retreating to my bed each night around 4 or 5 pm and when I am not in bed, I am stationary, fighting off sleep. I could probably sleep for ten days straight if left undisturbed.

I don't know if this is a flare of my "probable" MS (Never been difinitively diagnosed, my diagnosis is "Probable" MS) or if it is something else entirely.

It all started with severe stomach pain a week or two before Christmas and while the stomach pain is lessening over time, all the other symptoms are multiplying ten fold.

All I know is that is that I feel like a giant wuss. Like I am such a loser for not being able to cope, and it is very depressing. I feel worthless.

My wonderful husband is very patient with me. My kids just roll their eyes. I try to put on a happy face and work and not let anyone know how truly bad I feel, but it's getting harder and harder.

I just feel defeated.

I haven't been crafting much. I made a couple jewelry pieces around Christmas, but since then, nothing much creative is going on. I am struggling to come up with ideas for my Valentine swap, and for the DQS8 swap, and hopefully inspiration will strike soon. Keep your fingers crossed.

I haven't been thrifting, I haven't been reading, I haven't been doing much of anything other than trying desperately to get through my 30 minutes on the treadmill and stay awake until dinner.

Keep your fingers crossed that this all gets better soon, I am not coping well.

On that note, it's 2:40 in the afternoon and I am ready for bed *Sigh*


Becky K said...

Just keep trying. I'm impressed you are still doing as much as you are, and throwing in a half hour on the treadmill isn't a small feat. I hope that things get better soon. (Hugs)

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well. I wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about the DQS7 I owe you. Also, this may be the last thing you want to hear ~ but I have a new blog all about green smoothies and the wonderful changes I've seen in myself physically since trying them. I feel the need to reach out to those that are in pain and help them find another way. Please stop by, I'd love to have you join us. (((HUGS)))

momofa2e said...

I know exactly how you feel. Hope it isn't MS (my dr. has that suspicion for me, too)and that you feel better soon.